Story: Adebimpe The Facebook Girl (+18) - Season 2 Episode 3

ME: ogbeni how far? SEGE: oko bimpe, I dey oooooo. ME: you know well, who be oko bimpe? SEGE: eeeh, sorry, Mr maga I mean jaree ME: you no well ni SEGE: loooool ME: errrhhhm, you still remember this girl, kemi? SEGE: who is kemi? ME: that my babe wey I tell you say she dey stay for lag na. SEGE: I no remember ooo. ME: the one I met before bimpe na. SEGE: oooooooooooooh, that your recharge card babe abi?. ME: yeah SEGE: wetin do her? ME: she just called me say she dey come akure next weekend SEGE: that one nice na. Na kitten weekend be that for you na. ME: you no well SEGE: are you guys still dating? ME: we never broke up before, we only stopped communicating with each other SeGE: and wetin be that one?, no be break-up be that. ME: that one aside jaree. She said I should send her airtime. SEGE: hmmmmm. I trust you say you don send am already. ME: no oooo, I am contemplating on whether to send or not. SEGE: that babe na cheap airtime scammer. But since she talk say she dey come akure, risk this last one and send like 200mtn sha. Atleast to pour water on ground and then walk on wet ground. ME: thanks jaree my guy. SEGE: I hear. But don’t send another airtime again until you set your eyes on her oooooo. ME: I hear. The following morning on my way to work, I stopped at a vendor and got a N200 airtime for kemi. As usual, she only called to thank me in 12 seconds and later hanged up.

3days gone and I didn’t hear from kemi again until the 4th night which was thursday night when she called me again. ME: hello dear, how are you? KEMI: I’m fine dear, thanks for the other day ME: you are welcome dear KEMI: I also want to remind you that I would be around next weekend oooo. And you will talk me out and buy gifts for me ooo. ME: no problem dear. KEMI: thanks love. I’m missing you seriously ME: same here KEMI: that’s my baby. Errrrrrhmm honey, can you please help me with a little airtime please?, even if it is just N200 please. Recharge card again?, what do I do this time?, segun must not hear this, and I don’t want her to change her mind about coming over to see me, but seriously, I was tired of this airtime demands of a thing but at the same time, I wanted to fu-Ck kemi. I decided to risk it again and transfer N100 airtime to her from my phone. One thing about kemi was that, whenever she gets an airtime below what she requested for, she would never call back to appreciate but if she gets the exact amount she requested for, she would call back and spend maximum of 30seconds on a call. After the transfer, she didn’t call back as usual and I ignored her. On saturday, I went to visit segun and we had a chat about kemi. I told segun that kemi would be around on the following week and my guy came up with a master plan as usual.ME: sege, that my babe go arrive next weekend ooooo SEGE: bimpe or kemi? ME: which one be bimpe again jor?, its kemi SEGE: oooooh, the airtime merchandise? ME: na you sabi. SEGE: but is she staying over at your place?, or just stopping by to visit? ME: we never discuss that one yet SEGE: all the same, you must sample that girl at this only opportunity oooo. Or else, u might not see another opportunity again. ME: I go try sha. SEGE: you must do ni. You know hungry girls like kemi requires special tactics to get them la!d. ME: really?, gist me. SEGE: firstly, you must act or fake it that you have money to spend on her when she is around, you must be good at fake promises and your mouth must be loaded with lies, na that thing dey give them hope say “hmmm, I must maga this guy, e be like say e get money” ME: hmmmm sege!!!!, and after that nko? ****getting interesting*****, SEGE: you must be smart to play your game wella so as not to miss the fuccking. Make sure that u post all the spending till after sex, and not before. ME: I still don’t understand SEGE: mr maga, listen. If you spend before planning to have sex, you might not get it, just keep making mouth till you get what you want. ME: I hear you ooooo. SEGE: when she dey with you. Call me and we go act drama for her. ME: mr sege!!!!!, I dey fear you oooo SEGE: you think say I be mumu like you?. Na me dey scam girls, girls no dey dupe me. Loooool. I returned home that night. Segun and I began our rehearsals on whatsapp ahead of kemi’s arrival. Ever since I was growing up, I had always have this mentality that “the more you spend for her, the more she loves you” but segun changed my orientation and made me realize that most times, “the more you spend blindly, the more you are a maga”. Between monday and Wednesday of the following week, kemi called me more than 5 times but I didn’t pick up, I intentionally refused to pick up because I knew she would always demand for airtime. On thursday morning, I called her myself. ME: hello kemi KEMI: my love, how are you?, why did you refused picking my calls for the past four days? ME: I’m sorry, the phone was on silent since sunday night and I misplaced it since then. I tried calling the number from another phone to trace it but it wasn’t ringing out, it was this morning that I found it inside the kitchen cupboard. KEMI: eeyah, sorry about that my love, I was thinking you were with another girl, maybe that’s why you refused to pick up. ME: ****oloshi, this one wey you dey call me “my love” I know say na “send me airtime” go end am********, baby when are you coming?. KEMI: I would arrive this evening, but the event is tomorrow and saturday. ME: are you staying over at my place? KEMI: ***laughs**** ME: why laughing? KEMI: you are funny ni, I’m coming with my family, we would be staying over at the place provided for us. since I’m not alone, I won’t be able to stay over at your place.eeeeeeehhh!!! You mean you want to shop for me? ME: yes, I am even buying a phone for you since you said your phone is giving you issues. KEMI: huuuuh. That’s why I love you honey. But why don’t we do it like this? ME: how? KEMI: please do all the shopping and bring it to me where I would be staying, I might not be chanced to spend time outside, sebi I told you I would be with my family? ME: ****heartbroken “oloshi”******* no problem dear, let’s postpone all the shopping and gifts to another day that you would have time. I can’t just be roaming about supermarkets alone on my own without you by my side, I would only come and say Hi to you wherever you are. That’s all KEMI: common dear, so you won’t bring anything for me? ME: not sure, maybe apples only sha. KEMI: haba!!!, ok you know what! ME: what? KEMI: let me get to akure first, then I would know how to sq££ze out time to go out with you. ME: that’s my baby KEMI: are you happy now? ME: off course. So what time will u get to akure? KEMI: can’t say yet, but we would leave home by 10am sha. ME: ok dear, can’t wait to see you KEMI: same here dear ME: pls let me know when you are around KEMI: ok my love, eeeerhm my love, please can you do me a favour please!! ME: ***hanged up*****, oloshi, the only favour I have been doing you is Airtime, “omo-ale”